Monday, April 25, 2005

Why cant i BLOG?

well i've been trying for the past month to write somethin in this damn blog atleast for the sake of its existencei see people makin posts on a daily basis and i just cant help but ask myself wats wrong with me?

1. do i hate writing?- nay (cos if a guy cud write a short story a sf one at that in jus 2 days, he cud make a post a week)

2. do i lack the time to write?-hell! no. i mean if i could play counter strike or watch FRIENDS for hours together and still dont even feel like i've wasted my time, i cud spare some time for a thought

3. do i lack the thought?-well iam not that dumb an ass either, yeah i got some thoughts folks!i've always wanted to express myself on this obsessive crush that i've had on a girl(oh yeah! i gotta serious crush ppl), or my delusional addiction for CS and FRIENDS,serious questions about where iam headed in life or about my parents, my past life
et all

everytime when iam doin somethin, a thought strikes me and i wanna write it down, but i dunno i just cant bring myself to write a blog on the wonder my blog aint headin anywhere, so all i do is read others blogs pass some comments that i think nobody gives a damn about and get back to wat i do best, Playin CS and watchin FRIENDS.

to put it like joey:

"why GOD?why? Why cant i write a damn blog? why are u doin this to me?"

and the ironic thing right now is that iam wrting this piece of complete crap just before my finals,with only hours to go and nothin to do but resign to fate and hit the sack!here iam writin a blog on why cant i blog.

no wonder i continue to surprise myself! and wtf i wanna post this fuckin thing and i cant!, WAT is wrong with the WORLD! god damnit!

oh my god! wat is wrong with me!

ps: this blog was return on the night before the final exam, but as the damn net was slow could not be posted, all the abuses in the last lines are purely due to frustration

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

My last Respects to SEN

"All the good things come to an end"-this is a sayin I know
but right now i like to quote with conviction that "All bad things come to an end too"

Today was the day of evaluation for SEN, the day i've dreaded from the time this sem had started. boy! have i had nightmares about this day. but given the anxiety,tension and the jerks that i've gone through, the final feelin of satisfaction that i'm experiencing is worth it all. for starters this was the kind course where ur project decided it all, the attitude of the prof teachin the course wasnt helpful either, and considering this was my first time workin with 9 ppl in a group on a project that cud make or break ur grade, i was sure feelin nervous.

For the past 3-4 months nothin has concerned me more than meeting the project deadlines and finishin the project. hell! i even went to the extent of bunking lectures,dumpin assignments etc, jus to get the work done. and i think i've seen it all when it comes to operatin in a group for we were a pretty motley crew,be it the soarin tempers, the loud arguements, the cheesy jokes,the overenthusiasm or the clumsiness in doin the work. Each fella had his own probs this sem and each had his own agendas on the course. to think that we actually put aside the differences to complete this project itself reflects the kinda commitment the guys showed when it came to the project. For the members of my grp "Hats off to u fellas. for u've all impressed me in ur own way". these guys have shown that when pushed to the wall they r willin to go all the way to achieve the goal. hey! now iam actually filled with a sense of sadness there wont be any latenight SEN meetins or Code brainstormin sessions. seems like i've lost a major cause for work
but more importantly no more BAKAR.

and Boy! today crowned it all, the range of emotions i went through just cant be put into words. i must confess it was a pretty close shave with disaster we had today and we somehow managed to pull it off at hais breadth. gawd! we were still tinkerin with the code when the bakarjee was jus 10 feet away, by the time he had arrived at the terminal we had barely managed to set up a picture perfect environ. i think everyone in the group must've been keepin his fingers crossed when we started giving the demo prayin that the code pulls through for this one hour of pure anxiety. but i think the prof had his own plan in mind, for i suspect he had already singled out whom to grill based on a peer review we had given in class this morning. and iam lucky to be in the gud books of my grp members so all i had to do was to casually observe the proceedings and intrude when neccesary. i cant say wats the profs impression of me or the grade that he might give me, but who the hell cares now. its all over dude, no more nightouts on JSP validations or Doc reviews, me gonna watch some F.R.I.E.N.D.S and catch some much needed sleep and start anew a life without SEN, a life that has one less worry and that has other issues to grapple with

i wud like to dedicate this to my grp mates,bakarjee and the course SEN
so "My Last Respects To SEN"

Saturday, April 09, 2005

The Day of Birth

well for all the folks out there the title might sound a little wacky,BUT for a guy who's had his butt kicked by more than a dozen ppl these kinda titles seem to be perfection

So as u ppl might have realized today is my birthday, the lazy ass that i was, i even shyed away from goin home, the reason i gave was the same old one,pretty lame and cliched -"iam neck deep in work and gotta project to complete".I guess by know even the folks at home wud have figured out how phoney it sounds. Sometimes they have been quite frank in statin that it's money that pulls me home. shit! how can someone say that! especially these lines comin frm ur parents is heart rippin, but sadly when i come to think of it wat they say has been sadly true.

So if the excuse that i'm givin my parents is phoney, then wat do i actually do that i cant even blame myself for not goin home and spendin quality time with the ppl i know truly care about me. well here goes nothin, for starters iam a hardcore gamin addict. I jus cant live a day out without playin CounterStrike(well for all the ignorant souls, its a Computer Game). And if there are no servers runnin then there is alway "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" to watch. This is an addiction that i caught on thanks to my roomie and my other chums. Some ppl even call us the "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" Freaks, guess they're not wrong at all. sometimes i try thinkin about wat it wud have been like if i never played a game or stopped watchin "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" and thats when this thought enters my mind "Dude! are u outta ur mind". after devotin my self to these wacky addictions if i find time i try doin some stuff that i actually tell my parents that i'm supposed to do and cant make it home. Countless number of introspections and forgotten resolutions is all i'm left with at the end of the day. so there u have it folks an introspection from a guy who's just too lazy to change his ways. I guess iam not gonna make any resolutions here as i already know its never gonna last, so here iam resigned to my fate tryin to live out an existence that i think is pathetic

So why did i write all this crap? oh ya! I jus got my ASS kicked and iam feelin miserable abt not bein at home when iam supposed to be.