Monday, May 30, 2005

when it rains,it pours

Its amazing how a day that has been goin miserably takes a u-turn and turns out to be one of the most memorable this month.The skies opened and finally i had a taste of what i had been prayin to the gods for a month now, a respite from the oppressive heat. Somehow its akin to a phenomenon that is considered rare and its occurrence deemed a miracle. although gujarat has been known for it extremes on all climates, i always felt this was not true with respect to the monsoons that it never got its fair share of the monsoon rains.

The day had held no surprises, not until late afternoon. And here i was, bored and fiddlin around with michael crichton's "prey". Halfway thru the book i was completely entangled in his techno mumbo-jumbo and lost interest. Then i tried in vain to catch up wid some school friends in orkut,but everyone except me seemed to be too busy, and considerin the fact that my blogspot is hardly frequented i dint have any messages to look forward to either. "cud it get more miserable" i thought and that was when i heard it, a clap of thunder. i was surprised, the sun had been fryin hot when i had gone out for lunch and now i was hearin wat were the first signs of an impendin rain. i rushed out and to my surprise was greeted by a dark sky and a pleasnt breeze that was slowly pickin up in speed. For the first time i empathised with the farmers in the movie "lagaan" who danced thru a whole song on seein a speck of black cloud, and if it werent for the gale force winds that were sweepin trees and plants of the ground i wud have rushed out into the rain and danced to "ghanan ghanan..." myself. Standin there on the first floor balcony i cud feel my spirits rise up wid the wind. It's usually believed that winds prevent rainfall as they carry the clouds away and this is wat i feared, the last thing i wanted was to face the same disappointment that those guys in the movie faced and that too when the conditions were so perfect. but as if too assuage my concerns a slight drizzle had started and finally voila! it was pourin down in sheets. Felt like nature had finally woken upto my prayers and the rain went on for a full hour. everywhere i saw ppl rushin out and dancin in the rain unmindful that they were soakin wet, i was tempted to join in but as much as i enjoy watchin the rain i don share the same enthusiasm for gettin drenched. and to top it off we even had a few hailstones.

after that there was no turnin bak, things started lookin up. finally i had somethin to keep me occupied, played badminton for 2 hours, listened to music and hell! i dint even seem to mind readin crichton for a few hours. I ended the day mesmerized by ingrid bergman(yeah casablanca fame) in "notorious" by alfred hitchcock.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Like father, Unlike son

well twas a sultry sunday mornin.The sun was beatin down with a vengeance as if to roast me alive in bed. "who the hell opened the windows"- i mumbled. then i heard hectic activity goin on in the kitchen with the cooker squealin and utensils clangin and the aroma of 'sambhar','rasam' and fryin 'appalam' waftin into the bedroom."today we're gonna have a feast"- i thought, then i jolted out of bed.

"who's doin the cookin"

Mom had left 3 days earlier. she had taken a much needed break from the pressures of household management, considerin the fact that she was employed (my mom's a teacher,physics to be precise) in my opinion she handled it all pretty well. although she lost it at times she managed to pull herself together just in time. she and my nemesis(iam referin to my renegade sister, who did not lack excuses to pick a fight wid me, although most of the folks at home believe its the other way round) had left for our native village and wud not be bak for a lng time.. so here i was wid the one person i dreaded bein alone with. er..... my dad.
although this might sound cliched, iam my 'mommas boy'. somehow i havent managed to share the same rapport and comfort levels wid my dad that i share wid mom, he always comes across as this over possesive,strict and overbearing personality and his temper is legendary in the i am always on guard when i speak with him.

gettin bak to the sunday mornin.. i quickly brushed and went into the kitchen and was amazed to see my father cookin. everythin seemed perfect although i cud sense that he was a bit tired and jittery,but the food looked delicious. i quickly made myself a cup of steamin coffee and settled in the couch with the paper. i was totally immersed in the paper when i noticed my father standin in front of me. "wud u mind makin urself useful in the household activities" i cud sense the sarcasm and the irritation in his voice. i quickly dropped da paper and then was confused, apart frm readin the paper wat else cud i do."er... wat do u want me to do pa" i asked a li'l hesitantly. he glared and went off into the puja room. the devout person that he was, he never missed his pujas and was always ready to go off on pilgrimages, while i was left askin "wat does he see in the temples". iam not an athiest at heart, ofcourse i too pray daily(somethin inculcated in the family ) i was never into temples, pujas,yagnas et all..this was a constant bone of contention between me and my father. so i went into the kitchen filled up the bottles and kept them in the fridge and started maintainin a vigil on the delicacies cookin on the stove. but the lazy ass that i was, i quickly snuck bak into the father soon found me deeply immersed in the paper."this is hopeless, u're fit for nothin" and he stormed off into the kitchen while i was left confounded as to wat to do next. so i sat bak and started readin the paper again. after that we dint talk much all day and he went off to take some much needed rest while i did wat i did best, the 3 T's(Theeni, Thookum,TV.for all ye non tamil folks its 'Food','Sleep','TV').

but that night as i lay in bed tryin to get some sleep i cudnt help thinkin about the glarin differences between me and my dad. he was all that i wasnt.hardworkin,committed and organized. he wud never shun away frm work and was always independent be it cookin or washin his clothes. i remember once when i asked him where he learnt to cook, his voice took on a tone of nostalgia and he said " I never had to do any work at home, but once you are on your own you have to learn such things,learn to be independent". to this day i have tried being what my dad is but have always found myself faltering, be it the unwavering devotion to god or his work. i often asked myself the question "what will i grow up into?" and seein my father i sure know that he is somethin i cud never grow into, that there is somethin intrinsic in character that separates us both.

i must conclude by saying that i really had a feast that sunday, the food was fantastic but not in par with that of my mom's cookin(i still say mom's the best cook). neways it had been 3 days since i had some decent south indian food so i made the most of the oppurtunity. my dad seemd pretty relieved that i liked the food and i know despite the fact that he was mad at me that mornin all he wanted was for us to have an enjoyable meal and for that iam grateful to my dad.

Friday, May 13, 2005

"The Angel Flyby"

well for a long time now i've wanted to dedicate a post to a girl i know(technically),who makes my heart flutter,who has had me hooked to her since the day i set my eyes on her,that serene and beautiful face of hers imprinted in my mind continues to torment me to this day. It happens evry time,as she walks past me my mind goes blank and i just keep staring at her until she disappears,its a miracle that no one caught me doin this. "Go talk to her!go talk to her!" is all i can hear in my mind.i have encountered her almost everyday but not once have i talked to her.Not Once!

but in the process of pennin down my thoughts and experiences, i learnt a hard lesson."i suk at writin out romantic posts!". that it takes a lot of creativity to put down those whirlpool of emotions that u took weeks and a lot of failed attempts for me to come up with this. hey!am i writin this to impress someone.nay! this will be somethin for me to look back on and reminisce those good old days with nostalgia(ahem..seems like iam jumpin a little ahead in time).

Since i lacked the skill to pen down my feelings in such colorful words.i thought "why not give a rundown of my encounter with her".And so here it is, i prefer to call it "The Angel flyby" and believe me this happens every single time

The approach- i see her comin my way, i thank my stars that i get to see her evry day, feelin purely blessed i track her approach all the while makin sure i don get spotted cos u never know when someone(especially my offense guys[;)]) cud jus catch u in the act and make the rest of ur life a misery.

The Pass- she passes me.Sometimes inches,sometimes metres or sometimes even more. ecstacy is wat i feel, a sort of drug induced high. she throws a glance at me and i hastily turn my gaze away hopin that she dint notice the way i was starin at her. god! are those times the best. well all good thing don last forever do they...

The exit- this is where iam jerked back to reality. as her shape starts receding i start to feel the pangs of guilt,regret and a deep sense of hatred. Gone! she's gone! Here iam sittin like a dud, all i cud do was keep lookin at her."what is wrong with you? why the hell cant u go talk to her?" i try answerin these but iam confounded. guess it'll take a lifetime to figure out an answer to these questions.

so another missed oppurtunity, but hell! who cares. there'll always be another day,another encounter. this is wat i have been consolin myself with all these here iam a lone romantic who can write posts proclaimin to the world his feelings for her, but doesnt have the guts to walk up to her and speak his heart out.

ps:no offense is meant to the "chums",and guys by the way if u've figured who the girl is keep it to urself,don make a life that is already miserable even worse. thank you for ur patience
this is pariah signing off....

Monday, May 02, 2005

Thotti Gang

to be Honest! i was too bored to do anythin else, so i decided to post somethin

"Thotti gang" is basically derived from a telugu phrase which means "a bunch of ppl who are fit for nothin", and we cudnt find a better word to sum up the essence of the group. iam talkin abt my circle of friends who u cud obviously guess are from andhra. The moment i landed in DA-IICT i hooked up with this bunch of guys who like me were cluless as to wats the difference between school and a college, were a bunch of first timers to the hostel way of life and most importantly were every bit as Lazy as me. And for the next three years the gang has lived up to its name at every possible test to its very identity.

what holds a group together?-Mostly a convergence of thought and common passions.

But when i come to think of it, this gang has amazingly lacked convergence of thought and common passions and has still been able to survive. The probability that each of us wud share a view on a topic is minimal or nil at best with heated arguements, verbal brawls et all..being the order of the day. But that has never affected us in getting along with each other. In other words one cud never get the group as a whole to perform something, there was always this one guy or a bunch of guys who thought it was a waste of time and endless hours wud be spent convincin them that it was not. For example the gang's plan to go to shimla has been on the shelf for the past two years, each time somebody's got an issue or they are jus to lazy to go ahead with the plan. To quote that "the purchase of the "bike" has been the only coordinated effort in three years of coexistence" wud not be totally wrong though it might offend some in the gang, and the fact the idea was borrowed and it needed hours of convincin ppl abt the benefits reiterates the diversity of opinions in the gang.

And when it comes to passions, u cud find one in every range of the spectrum, from computer gamin to endless study,study and more study to exhaustive surfin of the net,u name it u get it.But i wud say Computer games has been a passion that has the grp glued down to wat it is today, for it is this insane addiction that has brought most of the gang members together and has kept the essence of the group going despite the serious difference of opinions we have. If it werent for gaming i wudnt have met some of the guys with whom iam closest with today. And to date this has been my best experience with ppl i dint even have a clue abt, and it is in some ways ironic that iam known in family circles as this shy and reserved guy who cudnt conduct a jovial conversation with visiting relatives. Some of my most fondest memories wud be the times i have spent with this group of gr8 ppl who have diverse characters and interests.

finally i wud say that my circle of friends is a motley crew of fellas who truly pride themselves for being "Lazy and good for nothing", that in evry sense we epitomize the "Thotti gang" of the neighborhood that has folks who are truly clueless as to wat to do with their lives.